The following meditation was written by Rev. Dr. Michael B. Brown, Pastor of Blowing Rock Methodist Church in North Carolina.
“You will love your neighbor as yourself.” Mark 12:31 (Common English Bible)
At a lovely gift shop in Banner Elk, North Carolina, I saw a needlepoint plaque containing these words: “I said, ‘Lord, forgive me.’ He answered, ‘I will if you will’.”
When a teacher of the Mosaic Law asked Jesus what commandment was the most crucial, Jesus replied that loving God was first, and that loving one’s neighbor as one’s self was next in line. “You will love your neighbor as yourself.” Without changing a single word in that second commandment, but simply by rearranging them, it becomes clear that self-love is a biblical command. Not self-absorption. Not arrogance. Not conceit. Not “my way or the highway.” Nowhere in scripture are we told that our lives are to take precedence over others who are also created in God’s image and by God’s love. However, neither are we told that we are less important than anyone else. In fact, we are clearly commanded to appropriately love ourselves. Respect ourselves. Care for ourselves. And that involves, in fact, requires that we forgive ourselves.
“The tension between the harsh super-ego and the ego that is subjected to it is what we call the sense of guilt; it expresses itself as a need for punishment.”[1] In those words, Freud articulated the destructive power of unresolved guilt—“a need for punishment.” I have long believed that guilt can serve only one of two purposes. It is either (a) a classroom or (b) a prison cell. It either teaches us how to live with meaning, dignity, and compassion, or it imprisons us to such an extent that the discovery of meaning, joy, and peace is impossible.
Think of a person who cheated on an exam in college and, thirty years later, still castigates himself for having done so. Think of the woman who spoke a harsh word to an acquaintance who is now deceased. She cannot retrieve the moment. There is no way to make amends. And so she lives with an unresolved gnawing self-recrimination that never goes away. Think of the spouse who was once unfaithful and, though forgiven by husband or wife, never feels worthy of that forgiveness or love. Those people limp their way through life, burdened by a memory of failure. That is guilt as a prison cell. Contrast that to the biblical model of self-love. That model interprets past actions as lessons to be learned for future successes. The dishonest student learns that no one can effectively cheat their way through life. There are no shortcuts as professionals, spouses, or parents. The person who spoke harshly realizes the power of words and, thus, develops into one who uses words to lift up rather than tear down. The unfaithful spouse recognizes the cherished status of marriage and commits him or herself to making the most of a second chance. That is guilt as a classroom.
Once the lessons guilt has to teach have been learned, our faith says we are challenged to let it go and move on. Lay it at the foot of the Cross and move forward. That’s what grace is about. It is about accepting the gift of a joyful future that God offers free of charge. Doing so requires appropriate self-love (i.e., forgiving yourself). The Christian doctrine of Atonement teaches that Jesus took our guilt to the Cross on our behalf. To insist on retaining that guilt diminishes the sacrifice of love he made for us. “I said, ‘Lord, forgive me.’ He answered, ‘I will if you will’.”
Joy,
[1] Freud, Sigmond. Civilization and Its Discontents (1930), trans. James Strachey (New York: W. W. Norton, 1961), p. 84
Nurture Faith with Dr. Doug Hood 